Perfectionism.

Such a conundrum. No, I'm not sure how that's spelled. You go look it up and let me know. I think maybe I've avoided blogs because I'm a perfectionist. And since my blog doesn't instantaneously look like some of my favorite blogs that have been around for years, I quit in a spiral of shame. Well maybe it's not that dramatic, but the point is that I stop. Because it's not perfect. Well, this blog isn't perfect either. But I'm determined to just keep at it.

It's sort of like knitting for me, I guess. I started knitting waaaaaaaay back "in the day" (that ubiquitous and vague way of saying a damn long time ago). I was in 8th grade. It was so NOT cool to engage in any of those types of handcrafts. It was especially uncool when you only used the most garish of yarns. Oh I shudder when I think of what I forced my poor hands to fumble with. I tried to crochet back then too (my Mom is an accomplished crocheter) but all I could do was a long chain. There's not too much of a market for a long crocheted chain. So I quit that. I've since picked it up again and have found mad love for amigurumi animals. Apparently there IS a market for those.

Anyway, what was my point? Right - that I'm a perfectionist with my knitting. It derails me sometimes, and makes me a little slower sometimes as well. My actual knitting is pretty quick - but I frog a lot. For those of you non-knitters out there, "frogging" is when you rip back your knitted rows and start over. It's sort of silly how that word evolved, I suppose - it comes from "rip-it". You know...sorta like "ribbit" Or however you spell that onomatopoeia? And however you spell THAT?

Back to the point. I frog a lot (don't you feel all "in the know" now??) - and it's not because I'm not a skilled knitter. I'll just toot my own horn right now and say that YES I am a SKILLED KNITTER. It would be horribly depressing if I weren't a skilled knitter after 22 years of knitting. But what kills me is my impulsivity. Gauge swatches?? Pft - who needs gauge swatches?? Oh right. Skilled knitters do. Following pattern directions exactly?? Pft - who neds to follow pattern directions exactly?? Counting rows?? Pft - who needs to count rows?? You see my point.

Now, all of those little shortcuts I made over the past 22 years didn't *really* matter because I was just making things for myself, or for my friends who, let's face it, never wore my acrylic garments. Oh they smiled and nodded and thanked me but I'm convinced that those things never made it past the first trash can. Not that they weren't made well...THEY WERE MADE WELL...it's just that they were made from nasty acrylic yarn that squeaked. Yes, it squeaked. You yarnies know what I mean.

But now that I'm a PROFESSIONAL KNITTER - oh how my knitting has changed. I am so careful now it's practically disgusting. I do gauge swatches. I follow patterns. I *write* patterns now! Can you believe it?? (OK you don't know me, so I guess you probably do believe me - have I ever lied to you before? In my previous blog post?) I think it's sort of like growing up. It's like that realization that YOU have become the crotchety old lady who calls the cops when those hooligan teenagers are being too loud outside your house at 9:00 at night while you're trying to get your babies to sleep. That's what happened to me. I grew up. And I'm trying to, you know, build a business built on a good reputation, solid knitting, creative designs.

And the yarn...oh, the yarn. I can practically hear my fingers sighing in relief. If you readers out there have never ventured to Hyena Cart for some incredible hand dyed or even handspun wool yarn - you have been missing out. It's heavenly. If I dared to force my fingers to knit with acrylic, they might all break on me in protest.

So now it will all come full circle - it's all about branding and customization. I want to set myself apart professionally. So in some ways, it feels like it all hinges on this blog. On how it looks, on the links I point you to, on how many followers I have, on how many people "Like" me on Facebook (goodness could you tap into a more dramatic adolescent obsession, FB??).

With those things in mind, you may see my blog change from time to time. Because along with impulsivity comes indecisiveness, restlessness, and boredom. I'm likely to change my blog's outfit a lot over the next few months until I get it *just right*. And then I'll change it again. So stick around for the ride, please. Follow me. Like me. I promise you I'm worth it. :)